GCSE Answers

This is a compilation of actual student GCSE (General Certificate
of Secondary Education) answers.

1.  Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
    hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
    Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants
    have to live elsewhere.

2.  The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first
    book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from
    an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my
    brother's son?"

3.  Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
    unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
    Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
    He died before he ever reached Canada.

4.  Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5.  The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them
    we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth
    is a female moth.

6.  Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man
    of that name.

7.  Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
    people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose
    of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic
    decline.

8.  In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the
    biscuits, and threw the java.

9.  Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls
    people Romans because they never stayed in one place for
    very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of
    Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought
    he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out:
    "Tee hee, Brutus."

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by
    playing the fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard
    Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged
    twice for the same offense.

13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest
    writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems
    and verses and also wrote literature.

14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through
    an apple while standing on his son's head.

15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was
    a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they
    all shouted "hurrah."

16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
    invented removable type and the Bible. Another important
    invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh
    is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and
    started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world
    with a 100 foot clipper.

17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
    He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He
    never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.
    He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
    pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.
    Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
    He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
    Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote
    Paradise Regained.

19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus
    was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing
    about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta,
    and the Santa Fe.

20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
    Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the
    settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain
    John Smith was responsible for all this.

21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
    tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels
    through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the
    War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

... and from a paper on the theory of computation ...

Χωρισ το Μωρο μου
================

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Χωρισ το μωρο μου,
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Χωρισ το μωρο μου.

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